Sal Cikikcioglu, 21
Student, Edmonton, London
I come from a Turkish Muslim family and my parents always believed a man should marry a woman. So realising I was gay when I was 16 meant I kept it to myself. I thought people would hate me – all I heard was people around me saying: “It’s disgusting.” I was scared, trapped, full of anger because I didn’t know how to express how scared I was and didn’t know what to do. Would my dad kick me out? It made me think religion wasn’t for me. Which is kind of awkward because I live next to a mosque – which my dad owns.
It was only when I enrolled at a performing arts college at 18 that I started to accept myself. At first I told my two best friends – to test the water, really, to see if I could withstand rejection. At first they were OK and then three days later they said it was wrong and I shouldn’t be doing that. I haven’t heard from them since. I passed them in the street the other day and they walked past me like I didn’t exist.
I told my mum by text. I said: “I’ve kept it in for so long; I wanted to tell you for years but I couldn’t.” She texted back straight away: “You can change.” When my dad found out, he thought I could be cured. I had to leave. I moved in with my boyfriend for a while before going back. It was really tough for a while – I had depression, anxiety, it was much harder than for my boyfriend, who comes from an English, non-religious family. But I don’t regret it. Everything that’s happened has made me so much stronger.
I’ve started doing YouTube videos, giving advice on how to come out, and one of the loveliest things has been all the messages I get from other gay young people saying how much it’s helped them. Coming out, and encouraging others to do so, has given my life meaning. It’s meant I’ve found real, close friends – and an amazing boyfriend. We’ve really helped each other. It’s not very gay-friendly in Edmonton, but we’ll walk around town and go to a shopping mall and even hold hands. Being open, honest, has given me freedom. I’ve never been this happy in my whole life because I’ve got love and a boyfriend. I can just go out and express how I’m feeling, and how I feel about him. I don’t have to do it behind closed doors. We can be ourselves.
The read rest click here http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/02/the-closet-is-a-terrible-place?CMP=share_btn_fb
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